Struggles

Do you ever feel like you’re holding your breath and you’re not too sure how to let it go and breath normally again?                                                                                 Do you ever feel helpless and unsure of how to fix a situation in your life and the only thing you can do is just stand there and watch shit fall apart?

Lately I have been feeling like a flood of emotions have just hit me right in the face and I can’t seem to get a grip onto anything that’s going to save me. I feel overwhelmed, frustrated and anxious.

I honestly wish I had something solid to attach myself to because I’m afraid that I’m just going to fall into a sink hole and no one would even care. How does life just get like this? How can things be so damn perfect and then BOOM! Fuck you Layne I’m gonna test you with everything that matters to you.

Sure I am feeling sorry for myself and yeah sure there are so many people out there with much worse and much less then me and I shouldn’t complain but you know what? I have feelings and I can’t just continually swallow them because they appear unimportant to so many. To me they are real and I am hurting, don’t let anyone tell you you’re not allowed to express your feelings because to you they mean something.

I am so over being told that I have my health so I should be happy and don’t get me wrong I am glad that I am healthy but what about psychologically, does that count or does it not matter because you can’t see it when it’s shattered?

I am shaken, I am weakened and at the moment I don’t feel so strong. I wish I could be that powerful woman that no matter what can stand tall through all her heartaches and be like fuck the world nothing  is going to make me fall to my knees but hey, I guess that’s just not me because I am sensitive despite what I want to believe or how I project myself to others. Unfortunately I have a heart and sometimes it feels shaken.

I think its okay to take you time and wallow in your sadness from time to time as long as you remember not to be consumed by it. I know deep down that I will be okay and that these feelings are temporary and that they will pass. But right now I don’t need to be silenced I need to be heard and I need to matter.

I am sorry for the low note but I needed to get it out.